作者：Jim Sterling

自《毁灭战士》问世以来，玩家就习惯于窝在PC前，将火箭瞄准于好友的脸上。玩家能够通过网络同真实的对手玩游戏，这改变了整个行业的面貌，造就我们今天所处的情境。多年来，我们目睹全球最大规模的网络——互联网迅猛扩张，凭借这一平台，游戏行业也获得空前发展。

通过互联网玩游戏已变成我们的一大爱好，随着《光晕》之类作品将越来越多的主流焦点带到跨国杀戮，在线游戏日益变成行业最完整的内容之一。但在线游戏存在众多并不清楚此领域礼节的玩家。如果你也属于此类玩家，那就通过以下10大法则，学习如何让自己跻身精英玩家行列。

doom from doom.wikia.com

1. 在线游戏是是严肃的业务

所以最后你终于连接到游戏，做好体验的准备。如果现在你依然觉得体验在线游戏就是要收获乐趣，也无可厚非。但你的观念是错的，你早晚会明白这点。由于玩家的肉体过于脆弱，我们无法在酒吧里随意挑起争斗，我们需要以另一种方式维护自己的大男子主义地位（游戏邦注：通过在键盘上摆弄自己的手指，直到我们并不认识的虚拟角色代表假装死去）。

现在这就是你的生活，你同自己的游戏角色建立起肉体和情感联系。若他们刺伤你，难道你不会流血？是的，你不会流血，但这不是重点。在重生倒计时的过程中你必须吊唁他，你将怀着满腔怒火替他复仇。

在团队游戏中，若你输了，记得训斥团队成员，让他们知道自己表现得有多糟糕。你不会干这样的蠢事：一边使唤他们，一边和他们说你快输了，没有人助你一臂之力。你应该经常使用“alpha”之类的语言，仿佛自己是个真正的军人。

2. “菜鸟”危害性很大

游戏“菜鸟”玩家危险性很大，你要避免接近他们。他们属于游戏新手，是在线游戏的“流放者”。但你不是新手，你早在互联网诞生前就已在线玩游戏。事实上，你非常了不起，你在自己的Commodore 64（游戏邦注：计算机）上玩《Dizzy the Egg》团队死亡竞赛。

记得查看其他游戏伙伴的统计数据。如果他们刚玩游戏不久，你大可羞辱他们，因为他们一点儿也不重要。不妨大声嘲笑，若新手是你对手，若这些人出现在你的团队中，不妨尽情向他们扮鬼脸。

“菜鸟”一词威力很大，如果你不喜欢某玩家在游戏中的操作，你可以这样称呼他们。显然，无法取悦你就足以让他们忘掉自己之前的游戏体验，他们又重新变回孩童级别。

3. 若某游戏功能非常受欢迎/效果显著，那它就没什么价值

无论是《战争机器》中的电锯，还是第一人称射击游戏中的狙击手，其中都包含众多杰出的游戏功能和策略，它们不仅包含众多趣味性，而且还能够有效帮助玩家胜出——不要采用这些道具。若你这么做，你就会降低自己的身份，变成“菜鸟”。现在你是个硬核玩家，这意味着你只会使用短枪或其他乏味的道具。你讨厌所有热门道具，若你看到有人运用游戏中最受欢迎/效果显著的功能，你应该立即摆脱他们。

若这些家伙和你一样擅长游戏，他们就不需要依靠这些卑劣的策略，是吧？他们会和你一样，带着短枪四处奔跑，而不是简单进行玩乐，他们会瞧不起他人所采取的策略。他们将你置于死地多次就足以说明他们非常不擅长玩游戏。

4. 若有道具能够将你完全置于死地，那它就没什么价值

这和上述原则一样（游戏邦注：但适用于游戏的各种潜在威胁）。若有人仅凭手枪，双眼紧闭就将你射死，那他就非常卑劣。卑劣是是仅次于菜鸟的另一颇具侮辱性言语，任何人听到这些词语都会对自己的绝对性胜出丧失好感。这是空洞的胜利，因为它们没什么价值。

5. 若你输了，多半是由于网络滞后问题

你很快就会发现，在玩游戏方面，所有的错误都不是出在自己身上。滞后是个过程，在此由于互联网帮他们耍伎俩，其他玩家都比你更胜一筹。互联网经常这么做，但你所消灭的敌人并不是因为这个问题而毙命，因为你有高超的技能，才不需要网络帮忙。

而你要是在游戏中阵亡，那就全怪遭遇某种程度的网络滞后。虽然你表现很好，但网络老跟你做对。

6. 若你损失惨重，这是因为他们篡改游戏

遭遇轻微损失另当别论，这只是系统创造滞后现象，旨在降低你的升级关卡，但滞后操作只能在一定程度上协助新手玩家打败你。若你的损失非常惨重，就连抵制滞后问题的技能也无法同其抗衡，那这只有一个解释，这不是因为他们比你更胜一筹——而是因为他们篡改游戏。

毫无疑问，经常进行杀戮，但鲜少被杀害的玩家就属于黑客。若不是依靠欺骗伎俩，他们很难达到这么杰出的水平。告知团队成员，敌人受不法程序控制，你是因为自己的正直和无辜而遭罪。然后记得说“alpha”。

7. 大家都是gay

在出现互联网前，gay是指爱慕同性人士的同志。互联网出现后，所有人都变成gay。从他们用于杀死你的枪支到同你沟通的声音，这些都属于gay，网络滞后问题是gay，狙击手是gay，新手是gay。总之一切让你不悦的东西统统是gay。

8. 会唱歌非常不错

通过耳机沟通非常不错，因为这让玩家可以自由唱歌，这是我们购买耳机的唯一原因。事实上，有人登陆服务器只是为了聆听糟糕质量的翻版“创意曲目”。

在游戏前，游戏中及游戏后朝着耳机大声歌唱，几乎只有在需要离开耳麦喘口气的时候不唱歌。所有人都会印象深刻，想要再次和你一起玩游戏。

若你缺乏在游戏中歌唱的性磁性和自信，那么你需要将麦克风同扬声器连接起来，播放你最喜欢的曲目。你的伙伴玩家非常在意你的音乐兴趣，会为你的品位喝彩。

9.“种族主义”称呼既新鲜又有趣：

在线种族主义非常糟糕，这令人感到羞愧，因为大家心里都知道这非常可怕。但在这里你既能够说出种族主义的词汇，又不会显得你有意瞄准他们。

10. 得分的团队成员通常杀人夺宝

杀人夺宝是最可恶的罪行（游戏邦注：这甚至被现代圣经列为第8大罪行）。每个对手都是等着被你杀害的受害者，若有人敢于在你之前将他们杀死，他们就是杀人夺宝。只有你能够享有此杀人殊荣，若有人和你瞄准同个目标，那么他们将惨遭不幸。

即便你和团队成员处在游戏地图的两个相反方向，他们要是也还能杀人夺宝，那他们肯定是用了作弊手段。你只是个机会主义者。所有敌人都是你的囊中之物，你可没有从那些小菜鸟身上夺走什么。

上面是精英玩家体验在线游戏的10大黄金法则。第一印象非常重要，遵照上述原则，你将能够给他人留下深刻印象。

游戏邦注：原文发布于2008年1月13日，文章叙述以当时为背景。（本文为游戏邦/gamerboom.com编译，拒绝任何不保留版权的转载，如需转载请联系：游戏邦）

Ten golden rules of online gaming

By Jim Sterling

People have been hunched over their PCs, firing rockets into the faces of their friends since Doom. The ability to play a game against real human opponents via a network changed the face of the industry and helped shape the scene we are now a part of. Over the years, we have seen the world’s largest network, the Internet, expand to phenomenal heights and with it, gaming too has grown in ways that were once never thought possible.

Gaming over the Internet is now a major part of the hobby we all hold dear, and as titles like Halo rose to bring more and more mainstream attention to multinational fragests, we have seen online gaming become one of the most integral facets of the industry. With mainstream attention, it has also brought with an influx of new, fresh-faced gamers who have logged on with wanton abandon, unwitting of the rules that we have held dear as digital war veterans for millenias untold. At least outside of the PC universe, online gaming is full of people who perhaps do not understand the ettiquete and courtesy that comes with the territory.

For these people, Destructoid has the answer. If your copy of Halo just hit your mailbox, or even more urgently, if you started playing online years ago and have never even been through basic training, this is the guide for you. Hit the jump to finally learn how to be an online gamer with these crucial rules. A doorway into a world of elite playing pleasure is yours for the opening.

1: Online gaming is serious business:

So, you finally got your game hooked up and are ready to play. Now, you may be forgiven for thinking that online gaming is about having fun. You are very wrong and you will learn this in due time. Because we gamers are too physically weak to pick random fights in bars, we must assert our alpha male dominance another way — by twiddling our fingers around on buttons until virtual representations of people we don’t know simulate death.

This is your life now, and you are connected, physically and emotionally, to your in-game avatar. When they frag you, do you not bleed? Well, no you don’t but that’s not the point. You will mourn him for every second of that respawn countdown. His digital death just killed a little piece of you, and you will avenge with the fury of a thousand angry Gods.

In team games, if you are losing, remember to berate your teammates and tell them how much they suck. You won’t be making a fool out of yourself for ordering them around and reminding them that your side is losing and nobody’s helping you win. Also, you must use words like “alpha,” all the time, just like you’re a real army man!

2: Noobs are scum:

People who are new to a particular game are terrible vermin who you should not fraternise with. These subhumans are known as noobs and they are the pariahs of online gaming. You, however, were never a noob. You were playing games online before the Internet was even invented. In fact, you’re so awesome that you were playing Dizzy the Egg team deatchmatches on your Commodore 64.

Make sure to check out the stats of anybody in a game with you. If they have not been playing for long, then you must hurl insults at them because they are lesser human beings. Laugh cruelly if noobs are your opponents, and grimace loudly if they are on your team.

Also, the term noob has such power that if you dislike someone’s actions in a game, you can say it to them as well. Obviously, displeasing you is deadly enough to make them forget all their prior gaming experience and they actually revert back into children.

3: If a feature in a game is popular/effective, it is cheap:

Be it the chainsaw in Gears of War, or snipers in any FPS ever made, there are a number of cool features and tactics in games that people not only find enjoyable to use, but are often highly effective methods of securing victory — never use them. If you do so, you are cheap and will become a noob. You are a hardcore gamer now, which means you only use shotguns or anything else that’s really boring. You hate all that is popular, and if you see anybody utilising the best/more useful features of a game, you are to get rid of them immediately.

If these pukes were good at the game like you, they wouldn’t need to rely on such cheap tactics, would they? They’d be like you, running around with the shotgun, not having fun and despising everything everyone else is doing. The fact that they have killed you so many times is proof of how bad they are at playing.

4: If anything kills you at all, it is cheap:

Like the above rule, but applied to every potential threat in a game. If someone shoots you to death using nothing but a pistol and with his eyes closed, he is being cheap. Cheap is one of the most brutal insults after noob, and anybody who hears it will feel worse about the fact they are winning ten to zero. It’s a hollow victory, because they are so cheap.

5: If you are losing, it is because of lag:

Following on from the cheapness laws, you will soon get to learn that nothing is ever your fault when it comes to gaming. Lag is a process whereby everyone in the game becomes better than you thanks to the Internet helping them become cheap. The Internet does this a lot, but never affects the enemies you kill yourself, because you have skills.

Nearly every death you ever suffer in a game will be due to lag of some kind. The Internet hates you that much, even though you are so good.

6: If you are losing badly, it is because they are hacking:

Losing a little is one thing, that’s just lag conspiring to keep your ownage levels down, but lag can only help the noobs cheaply beat you so much. If you are losing to such a point where not even your lag-pwning skill seems to be making a difference, well there’s only one solution, and it’s not that they are better than you — it’s that they are hacking.

People who appear to be doing a lot of killing and not much of being killed are hackers, plain and simple. There is no way they’re that good without cheating. Re-assure your team (after calling them worthless) that the enemy is clearly powered by nefarious undertakings and you are being penalized for your wholesome and pure ways. Then remember to say alpha.

7: Everyone is gay:

Before the Internet was invented, gay people were those in society who were attracted physically and emotionally to members of the same gender. Since the Internet, everyone and everything is gay. From the gun they use to kill you, to the voice they use to communicate with you, it is all gay, gay, gay. Lag is gay, snipers are gay, noobs are gay, people from other countries are gay, the countries they come from are gay, the ocean the country is surrounded by is gay, the fish in the ocean are gay, all sealife is gay, life is gay, gays are gay, gay gay gay. Gay.

Using the same one-syllable word to describe everything you don’t like might not be an indicator of a varied vocabulary, but who cares? Words are gay.

8: Singing is awesome:

Communicating via a headset is great because it lets gamers sing, and that is one of the only reasons we buy headsets. In fact, some people are known to log into servers just to hear poor quality, nasal renditions of the latest “phat tracks.” One of the most original and beloved songs to sing is anything done by Rick Astley.

Try to sing as loudly and obnoxiously as you can into your headset before, during and after a game, only stopping when you need to step away from the mic to breathe. Everybody will be impressed and will want to play with you again. In fact, you’re so great at singing that the only reason you’re not on Broadway right now is that showbusiness is full of lag.

If you lack the raw sexual magnetisim and confidence that is required to sing during a game, you can always hold the microphone up to some speakers and play your favorite tunes for everybody. Your fellow gamers really care what your musical interests are and will applaud your tasteful selection of tracks.

9: Calling people naggers is both original and hilarious:

Racism online is bad, which is a shame because deep down everybody knows it’s actually awesome. There is, however, a really witty workaround that allows you to say racist words while not actually saying them. Remember that episode of South Park where Randy believed that the missing letter in “n – ggers” was an I? Then he said the full word and everyone was shocked because it was actually naggers and not that word? Well, here’s a pro tip — nobody has EVER thought of calling people naggers online. You are going to be so edgy if you capitalize on this opportunity.

Do it all the time and your popularity will skyrocket.

10: Team members who score are kill stealers:

Kill stealing is one of the most abhorrent and despicable crimes ever committed, and is even listed in some modern Bibles as the eighth deadly sin. Every opponent is a victim waiting to die by your hand alone, and if anybody dares shoot them before you, they are a kill stealer. Only you may have the glory of the kill, and woe betide anybody caught shooting at the same target as you. If they get the win, they clearly stole your kill.

Even if you and a team member are on opposite sides of the game map, they kill stole. Obviously they did. Probably thanks to a hack.

Just remember, of course, that you are not a kill stealer. You are merely an opportunist. Besides which, since all the enemies are your personal fodder anyway, you’re taking nothing away from the meat puppets who are only there to be noobs and bring down your score by sucking.

These are the ten golden rules of online gaming. There are of course plenty of other important laws, but this should be everything you need to get started off on the right footing. First impressions are crucial, and with these ten rules in mind, you will always impress.

Good luck pwning, my fellow online warriors. May noobs fall at your feet and your sword cut through the mists of lag forevermore.（Source：destructoid）