作者：NGamer Staff

我们将在本系列文章中“审理”那些让你看起来很愚蠢，让你陷入困境中却未提供任何逃脱线索，以及让你烦躁不安的游戏。现在，开庭…（请点击此处阅读第一、第三部分内容）

狂吹麦克风

大金刚赛车DS(from gamez-gear.com)

被告：《大金刚赛车DS》

控诉：当按压一个按钮（或者什么都不用做）便可以做到的情况，却要求玩家对着DS那个出了名迟钝的麦克风咆哮。

原告：《大金刚赛车DS》最早出现在任天堂64（游戏邦注：N64，任天堂公司开发的第三代家用电视游戏机）上。而此次的DS移植版本的每一个关卡都如实地复制了原版本的内容，如适当的速度感，8名玩家相互竞赛，并拿掉了Banjo这个人物角色（出于版权原因）。

在游戏中你可以乘着气垫船开启第二个世界，这个世界就像洞穴一样环绕着你。为了启动那些愚蠢的设备，你必须吹响麦克风三秒钟。对于专业的长号演奏者来说这个时间都能让他们气喘吁吁了，更何况是普通人。

好吧，当你的心肺再次恢复后，你将可以继续进行游戏了，但是这时你将会发现你的DS触屏上覆盖着一层恶心的薄雾，真是无语！

辩护理由：我们只是在合理地利用DS的特殊功能。我们只是在用一种刺激的方法进行革新。为了缓解争辩的局面，我们想要指出《大金刚赛车DS》的一些创新之处。

DS游戏机“通过使用触控笔在屏幕上摩擦而推动游戏的进行”的机制（在竞赛开始前玩家将有0.1秒的时间去搁置触控笔），以及一点都不乏味的第一人称设计部分，特别是《大金刚赛车DS》中突出的吹响麦克风设置都凸显了DS的特殊新功能。

同时…啊，好吧，我的律师建议我不要再说下去了。

结论：有罪

裁决：被告罪过很深。我们不得不将你车上的加速器换成一个巨大的玩具风车。祝你好运吧，你这个吹牛大王。

再犯可能性：6/10。甚至连强大的《塞尔达传说》也踏上了这条不归路。如果游戏中能够添加一些富有创新性的灵感，将会带给玩家不一样的体验。

情节发展过于模糊

最终幻想:光之四战士(from ugo)

被告：《最终幻想：光之四战士》

控诉：未能清楚地告诉玩家该怎么走或者下一步要怎么做。

原告：尊敬的法官阁下，《光之四战士》无视了受害者（即玩家）的心理健康，并且有证据证实这一切都是蓄意的阴谋。我们的侦查人员在中央处理器CPU周围发现了一些蛛丝马迹，即他们曾经研究过早前角色扮演游戏中使用过的折磨方法，包括8位进制时代里使用的设备。

当你在游戏中到达一个全新的城市后，被告（该游戏）将强迫你撞击每一扇门，打开每一间屋子并与每一个无聊的非角色玩家进行对话，听从他们愚蠢且没有帮助的建议，直到最后你找到那个能够帮助你继续前行的人为止。

辩护理由：我选择为自己辩护，尊敬的法官阁下。魔药可以恢复你的能量！魔药可以恢复你的能量！你可以在村庄里的商店购买新的道具！魔药可以恢复你的能量！

当你在战斗中使用了移动功能，那将耗尽你的行动点数。而魔药可以恢复你的能量！开拓者只是没有好好思考一下而已。魔药可以恢复你的能量！

结论：有罪

裁决：为了让游戏更能体现出冒险性，这还真的是很多RPG游戏开发者惯用的招术，以便能够在原本已经够畸形的游戏中多添加5个小时甚至更多的游戏时间。

判决：被随机流放到俄罗斯乡下的某些地方，距莫斯科机场大约有40-50小时的行程。并且只能通过向当地人问路而寻找方向。

再犯可能性：2/10。这是如今很多游戏开发者极力避免的设计。他们应该尽全力提供给玩家明确的指示，公开的（如路标）或者隐秘的（如巧妙地使用灯光去吸引玩家的注意）。

恼人的护送任务

丧尸围城(from infendo.com)

被告：《丧尸围城》

控诉：将玩家与一些无能且没有任何方向感的笨蛋组合在一起，并希望玩家能够安全地护送这些没有价值的人进行游戏。

原告：《丧尸围城》的时间安排并不合理。屏幕上慢吞吞前行的僵尸以及玩家需要承担起的护送任务都大大降低了游戏的乐趣。而且寻找逃脱出口的任务也很乏味。

辩护理由：我方承认，很多早前游戏中出现过的护送任务确实很无聊，但是我们却不知道为何你们偏偏选中《丧尸围城》作为批斗对象。

这款游戏的前提是，你是一个笨蛋，并尝试着去帮助其它笨蛋到达安全的地方。假如你从鞋店救出一个毫无自卫能力的老奶奶，她怎么可能突然使出功夫向路人踢了一脚……这种情况岂不是很不协调了吗？

结论：有罪

裁决：如果你看到这个老奶奶能够跋山涉水前行的话，那么她在揍僵尸一拳也就不矛盾了。护送任务的设计宗旨是让玩家能够形成一种责任感，培养关心NPC角色生死的意识。

《丧尸围城》确实做到了这一点。但是因为你让这些玩家变得如此愚蠢，并为他们的烦恼而沾沾自喜，所以你应该受到惩罚，你的余生将与一只粘人的狮子狗——僵尸狮子狗永远“捆绑”在一起。

再犯可能性：10/10。护送任务这种设计永远不会灭亡。（本文为游戏邦/gamerboom.com编译，如需转载请联系：游戏邦）

Gaming’s most frequent design crimes Pt. 2

On Part 1 of our crusade to take gaming’s most frequent design felonies to task we took a look at Rubberband AI, as seen in games such as Mario Kart, unskippable cutscenes a la Metroid: Other M and Rayman 3D’s Leaps of faith.

This week we’re holding court for game’s that make you look silly in public, leave you high and dry without a clue and force you to babysit. Court is in session…

BLOWING INTO THE MIC

Defendant: Diddy Kong Racing DS

The Charge: Making it mandatory to huff and puff into the DS’s notoriously unresponsive mic, when a button press (or in this instance, doing absolutely nothing) would suffice.

Case for the prosecution: Diddy Kong Racing DS begins life as a pretty awesome port of the N64 classic. Each level is faithfully reproduced, there’s a reasonable sense of speed, eight players can race each other locally and Banjo is nowhere to be seen.

Then you unlock the second world – and the hovercrafts – and your world caves in around you. To boost-start these cretinous devices, you have to blow into the mic for three solid seconds. That’s long enough to leave even a professional trombone player gasping and panting in a blue-hued heap on the floor.

When, after much CPR, you’re finally able to continue with the game, you’ll find that your DS’s touch screen is now coated in a permanent haze of disgusting mist. Rubbish!

Case for the defence: We’re only trying to make good use of the Nintendo DS’s unique features! That’s what we – Rare! – do! Innovate in irritating ways! In mitigation, we’d like to point out the other ways in which Diddy Kong Racing DS innovates.

There’s the ‘furiously rub the touch screen with the stylus to boost’ mechanic (which is doubly engaging because you then have 0.1 seconds to find a home for the stylus before the race starts), some first-person shooting sections that are in no way tedious, and yet more blowy bits, this time in the main hub.

Also… ah, my lawyer has advised me to never, ever speak again.

Verdict: GUILTY

Judgement: So very, very guilty. We’ve been forced to replace your car’s gas pedal with a giant toy windmill. Good luck getting to work tomorrow, you blowhards.

Chances of re-offending: 6/10. Even the likes of the mighty Zelda fall for this one. Cute when used as a novelty, mind.

VAGUE PLOT PROGRESSION

Defendant: Final Fantasy: The 4 Heroes Of Light

The charge: Not making it clear where you’re supposed to go or what you’re supposed to be doing next.

Case for the prosecution: The 4 Heroes Of Light shows reckless disregard for its victims’ mental well-being, and there is evidence of premeditated malice, your honour. Our detectives poked around its CPU and found evidence it had researched archaic torture methods as used by the RPGs of old – including this sadistic device from the brutal 8-bit era.

When you arrive in a brand new town, the defendant forces you to knock on every door, open every hut and chat to every single boring NPC to hear their stupid, obvious advice, until you finally find the one guy capable of giving you the information you need to press forward with the storyline.

Case for the defence: I’ve chosen to represent myself, your honour. Here goes: Potions can restore your energy! Potions can restore your energy! You can buy new items from the village shop! Potions can restore your energy!

Each time you use a move in combat, you use up Action Points! Potions can restore your energy! The developers just didn’t use their brains! Potions can restore your energy!

Verdict: GUILTY

Judgement: This is a really cynical trick RPG developers pull to make their games feel more like an adventure, and allows them to add another five hours or so onto the already monstrous run-through time on the back of the box.

Their sentence: to be dropped off in a random location in rural Russia, a mere 40-50 hour’s walk away from Moscow airport. Ask the locals for directions.

Chances of re-offending: 2/10. This is a pitfall that modern day developers are anxious to avoid. They go to great lengths to clearly signpost where the player should go next, either overtly (waypoints) or covertly (clever use of lighting to draw the player in).

ESCORT MISSIONS

Defendant: Dead Rising: Chop ‘Till You Drop

The charge: Teaming you up with some of the most incompetent, directionally challenged halfwits, and then expecting you to nurse their worthless behinds to safety.

Case for the prosecution: Time hasn’t been kind to Dead Rising. Take away the joy of a hundred shuffly zombies on-screen at the same time and you’re left with a gruelling gauntlet of exhausting escort missions. Their path-finding is pathetic, their will to live non-existent.

Case for the defence: While the defence concedes that escort missions that have been crudely crowbarred into any old game are annoying, we don’t know why you’ve decided to single out Dead Rising for criticism.

The entire premise of the game is that you’re a regular schmoe, trying to help other regular schmoes make it to the safehouse. It would seem incongruous, to say the least, if the defenceless granny you’d just rescued from a shoe store suddenly started kung fu kicking people’s heads off…

Verdict: GUILTY

Judgement: …but not as incongruous as the sight of her wading her fists into a sea of zombies when the coast is clear. Escort missions are designed to give the player a sense of responsibility and culpability, and to make them care about whether the NPC lives or dies.

Dead Rising certainly achieves this. But by making them so inhumanly stupid you are actively pleased when they cark it. A fitting punishment is for you to spend the rest of your life shackled to a needy poodle. A needy zombie poodle.

Chances of re-offending: 10/10. Escort missions. Will. Not. Die.

Check back tomorrow when we’ll reconvene to dish out some more punishments to gaming’s biggest offenders.（source:computerandvideogames）