作者：Guy Hasson

本文是游戏剧情设计系列文的最后一部分。本文要谈的是多经常被重复犯的错误，这些禁忌无论如何都不应该在专业的台词中出现。

禁忌1：重复人物的名字

“丽莎，别那么做！”

“查理，我告诉过你别攻击外星人！”

“萨姆，停！”

……

每句话都以对话对像的名字开头，这是很多人都忍不住的做法。

然而，滥用这样的句式，听起来真的很别扭。确保角色名称被记住的方法还有很多。如果你需要在句子中添点什么（如角色名称）才能让句子流畅一些，这意味着你的句子写得还不够好，你应该作一番调整。

禁忌2：直接引用对白句子回答

“这座位有人吗？”“没有人，请坐。”

“你打到我的脸了！”“我不是存心要打到你的脸的！”

“M-16是我最喜欢的武器。你呢？”“我最喜欢的是Uzi。”
……

这样的例子数不胜数。如你所见，每个句子都完全直接回答提问。这些句子的问题出在，使角色的个性非常平面化和单一化。你所写的这种回答方式，与现实大相径庭——大多人都极少这么直接地挨个回答问题。每个人的内心世界都是不同的，为人处世也不同，所以说话的方式应该各有特色。

例子中出现的这类台词，根源于作者做好某事的需要，而不是角色做X事或Y事的要求。这类错误还是很容易找出来的（看看你的角色是不是很没个性地、这么直接了当地回答问题），也很容易修正。我在本系列的前四篇文中谈过：什么是角色的真正目标？什么是他的行动？他如何表现行动？如果你看过那几篇，请牢记这些问题。

dialogue in the game(from gametrailers.com)

禁忌3：说出角色的潜台词

当角色正在做某事时，你让角色把自己的行为说出来了；或者，当角色正试图达到某个目的时，你让角色声明自己的目的；又或者，当角色处在最深刻的情绪中时，你让角色做出解释。这种做法让台词变得非常单调。

事实上，人们说话时，鲜有自觉到把最真实的自己暴露出来。最真切的行为应该是，角色的目标明明是X，但他说给B听时就变成了目标Y。让角色表明自己的目的是Y，这时你可以随意一些。

切记，银幕上的台词好比一块描绘人物的画布。台词的属性不止一种，你可以同时灵活处理。所谓台词的属性，一个是角色说出来的台词，另一个是角色的身体行动。如果你把这二者混为一谈，那你的台词就太没内涵了。

禁忌4：使用原本可以避免的句子

记住，台词不是话语。台词是行动和反应，而话语只是行动的的影子。你要不断检查台词，看看你想表达的意图能否不借助话语，而是让角色轻推、使眼色、抬头、转身、凶脸、击掌、说唇语、抚背、亲吻等等。有时，行动会比话语更有说服力。

禁忌5：通过长篇大论塑造角色

如果你对描述角色的不安心情胸无成竹，最惯用的手法就是让角色讲个没完没了。这种“口若悬河”式描绘法在科幻小说中司空见惯。但这真的是很糟的表现方式，从来就不管用。玩家或观众“理解”你的所为，但这种描述显然是不切实际的。

禁忌6：提及台词结构

“伙计，我不安时肯定会讲很多话。”

“哇，那是我刚说的长句。”

“他一次说话不超过三句。”

“那句子说不通。”

“他来自这个某某行星。他说话不带动词。”

写作的人头脑中难免有这种概念，一般人却不会。所以一般人（你的角色）也不会以这么自觉的方式评论自己；更不会意识到他们正在用句子或段落或语法说话。他们表现行为是为了达到某个目的，也就是说，他们至多会表示自己所说的是“话”，但他们通常只是说出来，而没有注意到自己在说话，会注意到的只是离他们的意图多近或多远。

禁忌7：重复

与第一个禁忌一样，重复也是让人忍不住的事。重复某事似乎也没有什么不对。首先，重复具有强调的作用，让人觉得句子更给力了。但生动的台词与散文式的对话仍有区别。你得以写出“生动的台词”的心态来思考。台词中的句子实际上是一种身体行动。从身体的角度看，台词句子就是角色的所为。

当角色重复一句话时，他是原地不动的，而不是更近一步。这就仿佛你不断地阻碍他的前进。如果你在中间截断他的话，角色在行动上的表现会更胜一筹。如果你试着截掉第二个句子（或第一个句子），你就会看到（是看到，不是读到），情景的表现更顺畅了。如果这整段台词本来有两倍长，那就太累赘了。如果我在半路砍断台词段落，效果就好多了。

重复一个句子（以相同的或相差无几的句式）的唯一理由是，行动是不同的，或在强度（更弱或更强）上有所不同。如：“我叫Inigo Montoya。你杀了我父亲。准备受死吧。”（这三句台词都是简单句，但在语气强度上有所不同，所以允许使用相同的句式。）

禁忌8：在死空间里填满话语

话语不是填充物，而是（达到目标的）最后一招。

人们试图达到他们的目的时，首先是通过身体力行和姿势。如果单靠行动无法达到目标，他们这才会借助语言的力量。

所以人们不会以挥金如土的方式对待语言。记往，语言是行动的影子。如果你挥霍语言，那就相当于一幅色彩斑斓的图画居然忘记了构图。

禁忌9：通过语言表现强度

“我是说真的。”

“我真的恨他！”

“这是非常，非常重要的。”

首先，一个“非常”就够多了，因为两个“非常”的作用相同。所以省略一个吧。但是，“这是非常重要的”的表达，也不太好。再者，我们是在谈论生动的台词是怎么不同的。如果某事非常重要，那就应该通过角色表述的方式来显示强度（声间强度、眼神强度、肢体强调等等。）

任何表现角色多么打算做某事、多么需要某物、多么激动——都应该从文本中删除，而应该通过角色的身体行动来传达。

禁忌10：让角色告诉我们他的感受

角色不应该自言所感，而应该感到自己的感受，然后说出因为这种感受而产生的感觉。不要让角色提及自己的心情，而是让角色靠行动表达心情。不过，你也可以让角色提及某种心情，或甚至让角色说他觉得X，但实际上他感到的是Y。（本文为游戏邦/gamerboom.com编译，如需转载请联系：游戏邦）

Story Design Tips: 10 Dialogue Don’ts

by Guy Hasson

We’ll close this five-part Story Design Tips series about dialogue with a series of dialogue don’ts. These are mistakes that are too-often repeated but should in no way appear in a professional dialogue.

Dialogue Don’t #1: Don’t Repeat People’s Names

It’s very tempting to start almost every line towards a person with his name. “Lisa, don’t do that!” “Charley! I told you not to attack the aliens!” “Sam, Stop!”

Every line, by itself, seems fine when phrased like this. You’re not always sure that the players remember what the characters’ names are. And adding a name makes a line go more smoothly.

However, overdoing it just sounds bad. There are other ways to make sure your characters’ names are remembered. And if you need something to make a line go more smoothly, it means your line isn’t written well enough, and you should change it.

Dialogue Don’t #2: Don’t Answer a Dialogue Line Directly

There are many examples to this: “Is this seat taken?” “No, it isn’t. Please sit.”; or “You shot me in the face!” “I didn’t mean to shoot you in the face!”; or “M-16 is my favorite weapon. What’s yours?” “Mine is the Uzi.”; etc.

As you can see, in each of these lines there is an absolute direct answer to the line that came before it. The problem with lines like these is that they make the characters flat and one-dimensional. It doesn’t seem that way when you write the line, but people in real life rarely answer each other in such a direct fashion. Each person comes from his own world, with his own agenda, and speaks from his own internal place.

The kind of dialogue that appears in the examples, however, stems from the writer’s need to do something well rather than the characters’ needs to do X and Y. This kind of mistake is easy to spot (check if your characters are answering directly rather than from their own world), and easy to fix. Remember what we talked about during the last four articles: What is the character’s true goal? What is his action? How does he perform it?

Dialogue Don’t #3: Don’t Say the Character’s Subtext

When you have the character say his action when he performs that action, or when you have the character state his true goal while trying to achieve it, or when the character explains the deepest thing he has (except for rare moments of truth which appear during emotional breaking points), that flattens the dialogue.

People are rarely so self-aware as to be so true with themselves while speaking. The more real behavior is that in which a person has goal X, but explains it to himself as goal Y. That’s when you can feel free to have him say that his goal is Y.

Remember, dialogue on the screen is a canvas written with people. It’s got more than one attribute you can manipulate simultaneously. One is the words that come out. Another is the physical action. If you make both the same thing, you lose depth.

Dialogue Don’t #4: Don’t Use Words If You Can Avoid Them

Remember that dialogue isn’t words. Dialogue is actions and reactions, and the words are but a shadow of the actions. Always check to see if the words you wanted to convey can be delivered without words: With a nudge or a wink, with a head toss or a turn of the character’s back, with a sigh or with an angry face, with a slap or with a bit lip, with a hand on another character’s back or with a mock kiss, etc. A gesture is more powerful than words.

Dialogue Don’t #5: Don’t Characterize Through Length of Speech

The most common way to characterize in SF, when you don’t have a good characterization in mind, is to allow a person to talk a lot when they’re nervous. This is done quite often in SF, and it’s just bad writing. It never works. The players/viewers ‘understand’ what you’re doing, but the characterization is just plain unrealistic.

Dialogue Don’t #6: Don’t Mention to the Mechanics of the Dialogues

“Boy, I sure talk a lot when I’m nervous.”

“Wow. That was a long speech I just gave.”

“He doesn’t say more than three words at a time.”

“That was a sentence that didn’t go anywhere.”

“He’s from Planet So and So. He doesn’t use verbs when he speaks.”

Writers think about these things, but normal people don’t. And so normal people (your characters) won’t comment on themselves in such a self-aware way. Nor will they be aware that they’re speaking in sentences or paragraphs or using grammar. They’re performing actions to achieve goals, which means that at best they’ll characterize what they say as ‘talk’, but usually they’ll just be going through it without noticing what they’re doing, only how close or how far they are from their goal.

Dialogue Don’t #7: Don’t Say Anything Twice

It’s tempting to say something twice. It feels right to say something again and again. At first, it seems like it adds emphasis. You may think it makes the line stronger. But visual dialogue is different from dialogue in prose. You have to think in a ‘visual dialogue’ mentality. A line in a dialogue is actually a physical action. A dialogue line is something a person does, physically.

When he repeats a line, he stands in place rather than advances. It’s like you’re constantly stopping his advancement. If you cut his words in half, you allow him to perform his action better. If you just try and cut the second (or first) sentence, you’ll see (see, not read) that the scene works more smoothly. This entire paragraph is twice as long as it should be, and it’s tiring. If I cut it in half, it would be so much better.

The only reason to repeat a line (and with the same phrasing, no less,) is if the action is different or different in intensity (weaker or stronger). Like this: “My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”

Dialogue Don’t #8: Don’t Fill Dead Space with Words

Words are not a filler. They are a last resort.

People try to achieve their goals first through physical actions and gestures, and only then, when they can’t achieve their goals with actions alone, will they use words.

So please don’t ever throw around words cheaply. Remember that words need to be shadows of actions. When you throw them cheaply, it’s the equivalent of paint a canvas with colors but forgetting to add the composition.

Dialogue Don’t #9: Don’t Show Intensity through Words

“I mean it.”

“I really hate him!”

“This is very, very important.”

First of all, there’s one ‘very’ too many, performing the same action. So drop one of them. However, “This is very important” is also bad. Again, we’re talking about how different visual dialogue is. If something is very important, then have the intensity of it shown through how the person says it (intensity of voice, intensity of eyes, emphasis of body, etc.).

Anything that shows how much the character means something, how much he needs something, how strong his emotion is – should be deleted from the text and conveyed through the character’s physical actions.

Dialogue Don’t 10: Don’t Let the Character Tell Us What He Feels

A character shouldn’t say what he feels, he should feel what he feels and then say what comes from that feeling. Don’t mention your character’s emotions, make him act from them. You can, however, have the character mention an emotion, or even say that he feels emotion X, as long as he feels emotion Y.

Well, that’s it for dialogue for the time being. Next time we’re going to start a new Story Design Tips series about comedy.（source:gamasutra）